Limits

Thinking about limits. There is a difference between the natural limits of which we are all aware – I can run for so fast and for so long; I can lift just so much, etc. – and the limits experienced in the existential now. The trouble with my meditation at present is that I rarely seem to be able to get into the existential now. It requires a real effort of concentration, but even that isn’t enough. There is something more, something I do not possess and which I have to wait for. Sometimes it comes. More usually it doesn’t. It is a stillness, a suspension and an abandonment of everything so that there exists only this conscious awareness. It is a shift into the space between the phenomenal worlds 2, 3 and the Void. The phenomenal self hovers on the verge of awareness, accessible by a flicker of thought. Somehow there is a sense of perspective, an awareness of being suspended. Except for this flicker of thought there is absolute nothingness. The first time I felt terror. To go into the void would mean death. Immediately I was back in the phenomenal world thinking about what I had experienced. Somehow I know, how I know not, that there is nothing to fear.

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