Depths and depths

 The thing about meditation, one of the reasons why it is not so boring sometimes, is that it is all about disconnecting all relationships. Even though one is alone, the mind still dwells on personal relationships – those that matter. It worries at them, speculates, invents scenarios. When this is stopped by focusing, it feels bored. Nothing important is going on – importance is conveyed by the emotive content of the relationship foremost in the mind. Once attention is relaxed, because nothing important is going on, the unconscious takes over and either generates a new series of internal dialogues, or hypnogogic episodes. Some of these are really strange. They seem to come from nowhere – certainly not invented by the imagination. They have a quality of otherness, strangeness, about them.

It struck me that anatta is awareness with all relationships put aside. It is relationships which make the self. Each relationship evokes a different self. Once all relationships are put aside there remains only the observer, awareness of sensations, waiting for thoughts to emerge. It wonders where they come from. Relationship to thoughts. Stop thinking. Focus. Just awareness. There are depths and depths. Anticipation. To go into the still depths.

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